The word “stripper” is being thrown around a lot lately. First it was the headline making news that an American Idol finalist worked as a “man of the night” at an Arizona strip club. *gasp*. Then we were all taken by surprise when New York Governor Elliot Spitzer had his exploits with a call girl blasted across prime time television. It seems that our friends form the seedy underground are making quite the stir in national news circuits. But what will that mean for us regular, non clothes-removing-for-money shmoes who are trying to eek by on underpaid wages and ebay sales? Should we all give a little more thought to joining the escort industry? Here are a few reasons why stripping for cash might just be your ladder to financial success.

Take a Look At Vanessa Williams

So, what does it take to become a successful street walker? If we look at famous hookers throughout time, they all have one common thread; nudity. And in some cases, high profile nudity. Take the case of Vanessa Williams. She was crowned Miss America back in 1984 and quickly dethroned due to some questionable* photos published in Penthouse Magazine. Now, take a break and see how many former Miss Americas you can name on one finger. If you have more than no fingers up, chances are you’re either gay or a big fat party animal. And you don’t look like a big fat party animal to me. Anywho, Vanessa Williams. She’s now a respected singer, recorder, and entertainer. She even sang at Arnold Schwarzenegger gubernatorial swear in. So point number one: if you’re going into the stripping business, make sure to “leak” some photos of yourself to top publishers. And then become Miss America.

*totally nudy

Remember Diablo Cody?

Alright, so you’re on your way to increasing your income by taking off your clothes for money. Way to go. Slut. Now all you need to do is publish a best selling book about your past exploits. Diablo Cody of “Juno” fame started her career as a stripper. Well, sort of. She actually went to college and got a job, and then decided to apply at the local “house of ill repute”. Smart use of an education. Really. But then she put her poll dancing days to good use and wrote “Candy Girl: A Year in The Life of an Unlikely Stripper”, a memoir of gettin’ down. She made lots o’ dinero , as the Irish say, with that little publication. So lesson number two: use your naked experiences to write best selling books all the boring “day-jobbers” will read with secret envy.

So Sally Forth You Army of the Night

Now that you’re armed with the savvy business tactics to turn your bathroom mirror striptease into easy cash, go out there and make it big. Start small and within weeks you will be rolling in the dough as large steroid infested men drop pealed grapes into your mouth. Hey, it worked for Jennifer Flowers…kind of. And just remember: if the governor of a large state calls you for “services”, over charge him and then post your exploits on MySpace. You never know when that big press pay-off will come a callin’.$$

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 13th, 2008 at 8:56 pm and is filed under Jibberish. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.