Every era of cinema has its ethnic super villain. In 1940’s the Japanese were always the bad guys. They were portrayed with with such loathing by American directors that many people here in the US still have unfounded fears of “The Japs”. Then that whole WWII thing ended and it was Ze Germans. Yes, we all love a good Nazi antagonist with his ranks of gestapo and thick German accent. The Sound of Music made sure of that. During the Cold War it was, you guessed it, those pesky Ru-skies. Many movies didn’t even bother to differentiate between the Russian KGB and the Nazis and a whole generation has grown up thinking Hitler was a communist. Thank you James Bond.

So who do we hate these days, cinematically speaking? The Arabs, of course. It seems movie after movie recently has pited a hearty, all American hero against a crazed Middle Eastern war lord. In Transformers half the movie seemed like a “War in Iraq” propaganda movie with silly looking arab extras scrambling out of the way as heroic Army men battled monstrous robots.

The most glaring example of our modern movie menace? Any one see Iron Man? Apparently a lot of us. Here we have every one’s favorite slosh-head Robert DJ fighting, you guessed it, an evil Iranian (or something) gun trafficker. The arabs are the bad guys. Mr. Downey and his suit of many colors were the heroic “all American” super dudes. Guaranteed if this movie was made 20 years ago he would have been captured in Russia and the gun guys would have been KGB line men.

I wonder what the future will hold for us? The Italians? The Costa Ricans? The Luxemburgians? What ever comes, rest assured America will always have its ethnic super villain to keep movie plots moving along.

I know this may seem redundant but I had to post another Police Beat. Enjoy.

“A parking officer reported an open container of alcohol in a vehicle near the Harris Fine Arts Center. Upon investigation, police determined the container in question was in fact an empty bottle of maple syrup. “

My question is…Why would you call the cops anyway if you found an open container of alcohol? Smokey the Bear says, “just throw the damn thing away, moron.”

If none of you have ever had the opportunity to attended Brigham Young University then you may be missing out…on what I’m not sure, but something. Every few weeks the school’s paper prints the “Police Beat”, little nuggets of gold that wonderfully expose the school’s “loonyism”. They’re pure gold. You can’t make this stuff up. So a few days a week I’ll be posting my favorite. Stay tuned.

“March 21: BYU police received a call reporting a male dressed in a bright yellow suit looking for duck eggs near the duck pond. When police arrived as the scene the man was nowhere to be found.”

I repeat. You can’t make this stuff up.

On a recent trip to Disneyland, the most magical place on earth, we found this sign

Holy cheese and crackers Batman!! They’ve finally done it.  Disney Corp has found a way to by-pass God and create their own miracles! For the low low price of a $93 admissions ticket you too can be healed. All your wheel-chair problems will vanish like pixie dust if you can hawk it to come in to the park.  So come one come all to the amazing anti-paralysis line found only in one magic spot in the park. We won’t tell you where, but maps are only $70 a piece.

Hi all. Today’s entry is a little different from the usual format. First off the subject matter isn’t the fluff you’re used to. Sorry. Second, today marks the first in what hopes to be a series of podcasts from Duck Duck. So sit back, put your feet up, and listen to the sweet sound of the ocean. Now come back you moron! We’re not by the ocean. You’ve gone crazy. While we wait for the men in white coats to arrive, we’ll listen to this interview

I had the recent opportunity to sit down with a man who’s making quite the epic journey. He’s going from San Fransisco to Boston on foot. That’s right. Foot. Why? You might ask. He’s having people across the country write messages in a notebook he hopes to give to the soon to the president elect in November. Great idea I say. Here’s what he had to say about Operation: Tell the President Something. *

*Not the real name of project. I made it up.

 

 Interview with BJ Hill: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This last week I went on a “Dark Night” spree. Tuesday it was the original “Batman” movie with Jack Nicholson. Wednesday it was “Batman Begins”. A week or so ago my husband introduced me to a classic cartoon called “Batman Beyond”. So why the sudden surge in winged watchings? With the upcoming Batman release and an ever increasing crime rate, I feel it necessary to return to the roots of the super hero. Batman is one spandex sporter who will stand against the ages. He is….Batman

In the Beginning

Batman is timeless. He was born in the brain of Bob Kane and Bill Finger (awesome name) in 1939. These two men, commissioned after the success of Spiderman in 1938, had the task of creating America’s first non homosexual super hero. Batman was all man. Even during the Adam West years when Batman danced and had a rather prolific arsenal of onomatopoeia he was still “the man”. Bat gear made him macho and as of yet no skulking girls have got in his way.

The Legend Continues

Batman is the James Bond of the super hero world. He’s sleek, he’s ruthless, and he’s all powerful. What finally gets the Dark Knight’s goat, so the legend goes, is a battle with a dastard in which Batman actually uses a hand gun. The caped avenger is deflated only when he sinks to the level of us: the level of everyday street crime.At the dawn of the new movie in May, may we all remember the legend of “The Bat” by stuffing our face with loads of greasy popcorn with dozens of young and upcoming batlings. Til next time: I’m….not Batman.

It has come to my attention that we have a political bias in our midst! Can you believe it??? Someone has an opinion! And its not Anne Coulter. PWND. So Microsoft Word-a lovely little word processor-apparently has a strong slant for the demo-woman-candidate lady. Yes, that vague reference would be Hillary Clinton.

Now, if you type in her name in pretty much any word processor (we’ll focus on Microsoft for the sake of demonization) you’ll clearly see that her name is registered in the system’s “spell check” Now type in Barack Obama. You see? Red lines. This is a clear move by the nations largest software company (I think its the largest…not going to look it up) to give Hillary a better chance at being spelled correctly by college students. Check it out:

As you see, Obama’s name, according to Microsoft, doesn’t exist. This is clearly a stab at Obama, an attempt to show him as a crazy, loony, rich, fluffy-pants-wearing, spoon sucking elitist. If you try to look Obama up in spell check he becomes either “Barrack Boatman” or “Barracks Bam”.

So all hail to future president Bam.

Ok-so I didn’t come up with that title on my own. But man did it make me chuckle…and think. At the same time. Uncomfortable. Anyway. There are so many categories we put music in. Emo, Emo-punk, punk, indie, indie emo punk, and so forth. I got to thinking: with so many genres in the music “biz”, as they say, how can we make sure we pigeon hole our songs correctly? Here’s a guide to music categorization for the layman and lay w0-man. Understand I wrote the entire thing from my own cerebral resources. Non of this is official, documented, or probably even factual. Enjoy.

EMO

The genre for today’s skinny-jean wearing bleak-tivist. To be honest the only thing I really know about emo at all is that emo people wear skinny jeans and are prone to self poking. As far as music…I’m pretty sure Death Cab for Cutie falls into this group. I think its because their name comes from a Beatles movie and emos LOVE the Beatles. Yes. That must be it

Indie

This genre is th one that confuses me most of all. I hear the term tossed around mostly to mean “music that nobody but me has heard of so I’m cooler than you”. I just listened to a never before released version of the Kool-Aid jingle. Does that make it Indie? Probably. The word itself creates problems in my brain. It comes, I’m assuming, from the word “independent” but there is nothing independent about the music. An indie film is one not produced by a studio, usually low budget, and watched mostly by “emos” (Ooooo…a cross genre pollination!). But indie music is produced in a studio by a record label. Maybe the band members “go commando” while recording. That would be independent. Ew.

Punk

My favorite genre because its so ambiguous. I was in the car the other day listening to “The Pixies” (awesomeness) and then turned on the radio and heard a Blink 182 song. Very different styles. Both “punk rock” indeed, but completely varying sides of the music coin. The Pixies, in my very uninformed opinion, were the original punkers. Since them no one has come close to capturing the true spirit of taking off your shirt, diving into crowd of wild kids, and being trampled to death. Pure Punk.

I’m sure people much smarter than me (it should be “I” but what the hell) could give all sorts of defining reasons each song and band falls into the category the record label or the listener gives it. But I just say: listen to what you like and let the genre worry about itself. Unless its county. Then we must all run. Run far far away. The end.

This is Pixies at their best. I was at this reunion concert in Palm Springs. So great.

We all remember that day. Pulling the large, gray consul out of the box, plugging it in, and beginning life as a “Mario” devotee. Ah, those were the days. Before there were Halo 1,2, or 3, before Wii’s and Cubes and Boxes, there was The Original Nintendo. But we didn’t call it original back then. It was just called friend and bringer of Bowser goodness. What follows is a tribute to the good ol’ days of gaming.

I appreciate the developments in game consuls. I never could have imagined in my childhood that someday they’d make controllers that ‘rumbled’ or games with more than two dimensions (I think Microsoft is working on an 5th dimensional system). But I was happy with what I had. When Super Mario Bro.s 3 came out I don’t think any of us expected the joy it would bring. I spent countless hours battling koopas and rescuing kings. Tonooki suits, pixie wings, and fire power were my weapons against the onslaught of turtles, turtles with wings, turtles with armor, and so forth. It was me and my little Italian plumber against the world. I was always Mario, by the way. Luigi is for n00bs.

I got an N64 for my fourteenth birthday and our old NES went the way of the storage room. Then it was all about the PS and then the X-Box. Now this new generation of gamers have never seen Princess Toadstool or a ‘1 Up’ mushroom. Tragic. I think we should all get back to basics and spend a little time with our roots. Find an old Nintendo consul and have at it. It would be like a return to the womb…if you were born a true gamer that is….

Wow. Its amazing what a movie can do. Last night I watched “Office Space” for the first time. It was like a beautiful drug that settled into my psychosis and made me feel like I had an ally in the corporate world. This movie is pure genius. Not just for its comic value but for its really pretty original message: screw money and do what you want. I think everyone who works in a cubicle needs to not only watch this movie but get it into their system and memorize its dogma. Allow me to wax boring for a minute.

Why Should we fight the system if the system works?

Peter, the film’s main character, becomes at one with himself due to a botched hypnotherapy session. Because of this new found mental peace, he’s able to, in essence, give his job the finger and do what he’s always wanted; nothing. Now, many corporate goons would say that doing nothing is not only a ridiculous pursuit but a detriment to the system because it costs money to do nothing. As I watched “Office Space” and thought about our society, I thought maybe this guy Peter is the only sane one among us…in a cinematically abstract way being as he actually doesn’t exists in real life at all. But his mantra is one that makes sense to me.

Making the Most of a “Learning Experience”

I’ve spent the last little while working in a cubicle on the “business” end of the workforce (a first for this liberal arts major who spent more time mocking the accounting majors than actually studying for her finance test). Its amazing to me how much people will do to make money. I guess the main drive for so many isn’t just to make money but to make lots of money. Then they can buy more ‘things’. In the words of Tyler Durden “The things you own end up owning you.” So what’s the end result? You spend your life making money to buy things so you can fill the rest of your life taking care of the things you own.

Now Go and Do Likewise

Ah, hail to “Office Space”. This movie should be virally installed on every computer in every gray office complex in America. Ironically the people who built the computer on which I am writing probably sat for hours in an oppressive 4×4 cubby hole wondering how to make a better lap top for me to use. Thank you! I guess what is comes down to is what I see as the core of Peter’s message: do what you like, no matter what the cost…or lack of cost. We may not all have the luxury to do what we want for a living but at least we need to remember that there’s a lot more to this life thing than a bunch of furniture and time shares. The end. Watch “Office Space”.

We should all do this at least once in our lives *language warning*