This post is not about anything cultural…or is it? This morning I woke up with one goal in mind: to run farther than I ever have independent of any other person. Oh, I’ve been on long runs when other people take me along and motivate me every step. But this was to be My Run.
I started off ok and was all pumped to run my little heart out. Then it got hot, I got tired, and hope looked lost. But on I pressed and I was in the zone. And after about a half hour I thought maybe my goal (at least 5 miles) would be obtainable.
Then it hit me: it doesn’t matter how long I run. Or how far or how hard. BECAUSE, and here’s the sick thing, I’ll just have to do it again tomorrow anyway! Go to hell, running! You can’t bank exercise. So no matter how long I run or how many stupid calories I burn…I’ll just have to do it again later.
So I gave up after 4 miles and went home to eat a bag of fried potato goodness. If I can’t bank running, at least I can bank fat.
This one was too good to pass up today. See if you notice the same glaring logical fallacy that I did.
“BYU Math Teaching Assistants called BYU police to report a male student who had repeatedly threatened them. The student said he would pull out a female TA’s hair with duct tape and would stab another TA’s foot with a thumb drive to infect him with a deadly virus. BYU police are questioning the individual.”
“Stab his foot with a thumb drive”???? That’s good stuff.
Every era of cinema has its ethnic super villain. In 1940’s the Japanese were always the bad guys. They were portrayed with with such loathing by American directors that many people here in the US still have unfounded fears of “The Japs”. Then that whole WWII thing ended and it was Ze Germans. Yes, we all love a good Nazi antagonist with his ranks of gestapo and thick German accent. The Sound of Music made sure of that. During the Cold War it was, you guessed it, those pesky Ru-skies. Many movies didn’t even bother to differentiate between the Russian KGB and the Nazis and a whole generation has grown up thinking Hitler was a communist. Thank you James Bond.
So who do we hate these days, cinematically speaking? The Arabs, of course. It seems movie after movie recently has pited a hearty, all American hero against a crazed Middle Eastern war lord. In Transformers half the movie seemed like a “War in Iraq” propaganda movie with silly looking arab extras scrambling out of the way as heroic Army men battled monstrous robots.
The most glaring example of our modern movie menace? Any one see Iron Man? Apparently a lot of us. Here we have every one’s favorite slosh-head Robert DJ fighting, you guessed it, an evil Iranian (or something) gun trafficker. The arabs are the bad guys. Mr. Downey and his suit of many colors were the heroic “all American” super dudes. Guaranteed if this movie was made 20 years ago he would have been captured in Russia and the gun guys would have been KGB line men.
I wonder what the future will hold for us? The Italians? The Costa Ricans? The Luxemburgians? What ever comes, rest assured America will always have its ethnic super villain to keep movie plots moving along.
I know this may seem redundant but I had to post another Police Beat. Enjoy.
“A parking officer reported an open container of alcohol in a vehicle near the Harris Fine Arts Center. Upon investigation, police determined the container in question was in fact an empty bottle of maple syrup. “
My question is…Why would you call the cops anyway if you found an open container of alcohol? Smokey the Bear says, “just throw the damn thing away, moron.”
If none of you have ever had the opportunity to attended Brigham Young University then you may be missing out…on what I’m not sure, but something. Every few weeks the school’s paper prints the “Police Beat”, little nuggets of gold that wonderfully expose the school’s “loonyism”. They’re pure gold. You can’t make this stuff up. So a few days a week I’ll be posting my favorite. Stay tuned.
“March 21: BYU police received a call reporting a male dressed in a bright yellow suit looking for duck eggs near the duck pond. When police arrived as the scene the man was nowhere to be found.”
On a recent trip to Disneyland, the most magical place on earth, we found this sign
Holy cheese and crackers Batman!! They’ve finally done it. Disney Corp has found a way to by-pass God and create their own miracles! For the low low price of a $93 admissions ticket you too can be healed. All your wheel-chair problems will vanish like pixie dust if you can hawk it to come in to the park. So come one come all to the amazing anti-paralysis line found only in one magic spot in the park. We won’t tell you where, but maps are only $70 a piece.
Hi all. Today’s entry is a little different from the usual format. First off the subject matter isn’t the fluff you’re used to. Sorry. Second, today marks the first in what hopes to be a series of podcasts from Duck Duck. So sit back, put your feet up, and listen to the sweet sound of the ocean. Now come back you moron! We’re not by the ocean. You’ve gone crazy. While we wait for the men in white coats to arrive, we’ll listen to this interview
I had the recent opportunity to sit down with a man who’s making quite the epic journey. He’s going from San Fransisco to Boston on foot. That’s right. Foot. Why? You might ask. He’s having people across the country write messages in a notebook he hopes to give to the soon to the president elect in November. Great idea I say. Here’s what he had to say about Operation: Tell the President Something. *
This last week I went on a “Dark Night” spree. Tuesday it was the original “Batman” movie with Jack Nicholson. Wednesday it was “Batman Begins”. A week or so ago my husband introduced me to a classic cartoon called “Batman Beyond”. So why the sudden surge in winged watchings? With the upcoming Batman release and an ever increasing crime rate, I feel it necessary to return to the roots of the super hero. Batman is one spandex sporter who will stand against the ages. He is….Batman
In the Beginning
Batman is timeless. He was born in the brain of Bob Kane and Bill Finger (awesome name) in 1939. These two men, commissioned after the success of Spiderman in 1938, had the task of creating America’s first non homosexual super hero. Batman was all man. Even during the Adam West years when Batman danced and had a rather prolific arsenal of onomatopoeia he was still “the man”. Bat gear made him macho and as of yet no skulking girls have got in his way.
The Legend Continues
Batman is the James Bond of the super hero world. He’s sleek, he’s ruthless, and he’s all powerful. What finally gets the Dark Knight’s goat, so the legend goes, is a battle with a dastard in which Batman actually uses a hand gun. The caped avenger is deflated only when he sinks to the level of us: the level of everyday street crime.At the dawn of the new movie in May, may we all remember the legend of “The Bat” by stuffing our face with loads of greasy popcorn with dozens of young and upcoming batlings. Til next time: I’m….not Batman.
It has come to my attention that we have a political bias in our midst! Can you believe it??? Someone has an opinion! And its not Anne Coulter. PWND. So Microsoft Word-a lovely little word processor-apparently has a strong slant for the demo-woman-candidate lady. Yes, that vague reference would be Hillary Clinton.
Now, if you type in her name in pretty much any word processor (we’ll focus on Microsoft for the sake of demonization) you’ll clearly see that her name is registered in the system’s “spell check” Now type in Barack Obama. You see? Red lines. This is a clear move by the nations largest software company (I think its the largest…not going to look it up) to give Hillary a better chance at being spelled correctly by college students. Check it out:
As you see, Obama’s name, according to Microsoft, doesn’t exist. This is clearly a stab at Obama, an attempt to show him as a crazy, loony, rich, fluffy-pants-wearing, spoon sucking elitist. If you try to look Obama up in spell check he becomes either “Barrack Boatman” or “Barracks Bam”.
Ok-so I didn’t come up with that title on my own. But man did it make me chuckle…and think. At the same time. Uncomfortable. Anyway. There are so many categories we put music in. Emo, Emo-punk, punk, indie, indie emo punk, and so forth. I got to thinking: with so many genres in the music “biz”, as they say, how can we make sure we pigeon hole our songs correctly? Here’s a guide to music categorization for the layman and lay w0-man. Understand I wrote the entire thing from my own cerebral resources. Non of this is official, documented, or probably even factual. Enjoy.
EMO
The genre for today’s skinny-jean wearing bleak-tivist. To be honest the only thing I really know about emo at all is that emo people wear skinny jeans and are prone to self poking. As far as music…I’m pretty sure Death Cab for Cutie falls into this group. I think its because their name comes from a Beatles movie and emos LOVE the Beatles. Yes. That must be it
Indie
This genre is th one that confuses me most of all. I hear the term tossed around mostly to mean “music that nobody but me has heard of so I’m cooler than you”. I just listened to a never before released version of the Kool-Aid jingle. Does that make it Indie? Probably. The word itself creates problems in my brain. It comes, I’m assuming, from the word “independent” but there is nothing independent about the music. An indie film is one not produced by a studio, usually low budget, and watched mostly by “emos” (Ooooo…a cross genre pollination!). But indie music is produced in a studio by a record label. Maybe the band members “go commando” while recording. That would be independent. Ew.
Punk
My favorite genre because its so ambiguous. I was in the car the other day listening to “The Pixies” (awesomeness) and then turned on the radio and heard a Blink 182 song. Very different styles. Both “punk rock” indeed, but completely varying sides of the music coin. The Pixies, in my very uninformed opinion, were the original punkers. Since them no one has come close to capturing the true spirit of taking off your shirt, diving into crowd of wild kids, and being trampled to death. Pure Punk.
I’m sure people much smarter than me (it should be “I” but what the hell) could give all sorts of defining reasons each song and band falls into the category the record label or the listener gives it. But I just say: listen to what you like and let the genre worry about itself. Unless its county. Then we must all run. Run far far away. The end.
This is Pixies at their best. I was at this reunion concert in Palm Springs. So great.
