Loyal readers: it has come to my attention that there is a new horror to fear in America. For years we have all shuddered at our nations homosexual population. “The Gays” were taking over in mass number and with it came a rash of so called “homophobia”. But now we have a new nemesis. And this one can’t fix our hair and give us relationship advice.

I’m talking, of course, about what I call “hobo-phobia”. That’s right people. We need to fear this county’s homeless transients like they had leprosy. I say we form groups to ban hobo marriages, hobo adoptions, and hobo parades. Can you imagine the spectacle if three thousand vagrants marched the streets of San Fransisco with “pride” in who they were? Sheer lunacy.

We need to combat hobo-phobia with an all out media campaign. Billboards showing the danger of associating with hobos need to come up in all our cities. We need to produce commercials to raise awareness of hobo carrying diseases like rabies and mange. This is an epidemic people. Now is the time to act.

In closing my I advise you to look for hobo traits in your children. Hoboism can start young. If your son shows a particular interest in box cars, sit him down and make him read an copy of the Wall Street Journal. If your daughter wants to use “chew” make her eat a whole box of Pepperidge cookies. Protect yourself and your family against this social epidemic. It can come from any where.

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