Well, we’ve all heard the news. By now its been on every major tv station and plastered across every grocery store magazine. I’m talking, of course, about the death of our front lawn, Mr. Grassy-Seed.

We loved him, we knew him, and his time was short on this earth; too short. It seems like only last week we were spreading his seed on the sallow earth of our property. Like most celebrities, only his closest friends knew the real him. While his work was prolific and greenish, Mr. Grassy-Seed suffered his entire life with addictions to fertilizer, under-watering, and of course, kiddie porn.

So dream on, you now brownish yellow patch of land. We will remember you not for the time the dog had massive diarrhea all over you, but for the joy you brought into our lives daily. Farewell.

Ps-Tickets for the upcoming Mr. Grassy-Seed Memorial concert can be purchased at any major vendor. Sadly enough, John Mayer was not available.  However, his Latin-American counterpart Jose Mayor, was.

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