First Ever Duckduck Awards!
Well, in an unprecedented fit of boredom…I’ve decided to make mention of a few of my favorite, or least favorite, people or things in the world at present. I’m calling it the Duckduck Awards! Statues may be claimed in person at the Denny’s restaurant down the street in two weeks.
WORST JOURNALIST EVER AWARD:
This was a toss up. There are a lot of annoying pundits and reporters out there these days. But after careful review I couldn’t pass up the one that makes my blood boil the mostest and that would have to be NANCY GRACE from CNN. This woman looks like a cheap butch country singer. And her journalism style is akin to the National Enquirer…but without the awesome fat toddlers or bat boys.
BEST POLITCAL HAIR AWARD:
Well, there’s no contest here. Rod Blogoivich stands front and center on this. You could travel back to the 80′s by just touching that mane of madness. Love it. I’m sure it will win him big support when he goes to trial.
BEST MOTOVATIONAL SPEAKER TURNED PRESIDENT AWARD:
Obaaaaama! (Yelled in an Oprah type salute). Yep. This guy’s got oratory down. He sounds so good when he speaks he has to pause at every other word just so people can, in hushed silence, really internalize the depth of substance being conveyed. So much power…so many…words. I don’t even care what he says. I just love that it all sounds pretty.
WORST THREAT TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC’S WAY OF LIFE AWARD:
Teletubbies. Those little bastards still freak me out.
BEST NEW TECHNOLOGICAL GIMMICK TO TAKE ALL OUR MONEY AWARD:
Blue Ray for sure. Remember Laser Disc? Very few do. Blue Ray is shiny, sounds good, costs a ton, and will be obsolete in a year. That’s why I’ve kept all my old VHS tapes. I like them, they look fine, and they cost NOTHING at DI right now. Now if only I had a functioning VHS player….