The other night I was making jam in the kitchen. Dan came in to keep me company and set up his computer. He commenced in playing a video game called “Call of Duty 5″ where deranged mutant Nazi zombies came at him with numerical force, each meeting his or her demise with a blood curdling scream and a splash of red pixels.

As I sat, stirring my jam, I reflected on what the world would be like if video games were real-that is, if society mirrored blow for blow what we saw behind the screen. Here’s what I came up with.

Walking down the street would prove problematic for the following reason; a regular game character seems to me to have an un-ending arsenal of weaponry. I’m not talking hip shivs either. I mean grenade launchers, gatling guns, AKs, flame-throwers, and like and such as. I have a hard time managing my purse and the dog on most days when I walk around. I have no clue where I’d stash, say, a full-auto nail gun with added scope and night vision.

Health care would be an easy fix in the vid-game real world. Instead of complicated HMOs and nasty government debates, we’d all just have a health bar that followed us around above our heads. When our health got low, we’d walk over a pile of boxes with red crosses on them. If video games have taught me nothing else, it’s that a few red crosses can solve pretty much anything that ails me. A few gun shots to the head? No problem-find your box pile and away you shall go-up at least %20 health.

I do see a great problem that would have to be remedied before the world could go “live” as they say. To reload a weapon in a video game, you just shoot off screen. Well, most of the time, in our world, there are people standing somewhere in range at all times. Shooting up in the air, especially while duel-wielding, might end up in a small massacre. This might be your goal if your bystanders look zombie-like. But if your wife, or your mom, or your dog happen to be just “off screen”…you might have a bit of a mess on your hands. We’d have to retrain ourselves to actually load a gun properly and not shoot into the air at inappropriate times.

Lastly-in a video game reality we’d all have to prepare ourselves for the continuous onslaught of bad guys popping up at any given time. Trying to eat dinner with the fam? Hold on, here come some undead Russians. Looking for a quiet evening out with the spouse? Have to kill at least ten Nazis before making it to the movie theater. This could get a little tiring.

But man, think of what your score would be by the time you made it to heaven? God would have to let you in based on your perfect kill record and most-zombies slaughtered in a single shot title. I can see an upside to all this. Judgement Day would just be a matter of checking your game stats and rankings. So make sure you enter your full name next time you play. This could be bigger than you think.

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