The Dog; A Tail of Woe
Ok…just…give me a minute to stop laughing at myself over that title….ohhhhh man. Tail of woe. Cuz….the dog has a tail! I kill me.
Anyway, with the birth of our baby has come what may be the death of our dog…’s time at our house. This is, of course, causing me some great anguish. You non-doggies won’t get this but anyone who has had a furry friend (I’m not talking about that weird fetish) will understand when I say I tear up at the mention of her dismissal from our home.
Indi (dog) is a border collie. As such, she is pretty intelligent. As such as well, she is very manipulative. Because of her more cerebral qualities I’ve come up with a few alternatives to her fate other than just selling her to the hot dog making company (as their mascot, I assume). Here are a few of my ideas for Indi’s next place of residence.
- She should be hired to fix the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Why? Because I’ve seen this dog eat an entire bottle of Tabasco sauce. She is no-nonsense and an incredible problem solver. How did she solve the Tabasco Fiasco? By causing herself massive amounts of searing…poopies. She literally rocketed herself across the lawn with those squirts. If she can figure out how to get rid of massive amount of hot sauce that quickly, she should have no problem getting rid of a little oil…
- Indi needs a job where she can run around a lot. For this I see her procuring gainful employment as a U.S. senator. Senator Indi she shall be called and will be heralded as the first Canine-America in congress. Where does the running come in? We’ll get Joe Biden to throw her ball during the congressional sessions. This way, dog get exercise and the nation can rest assured that it’s VP is distracted for ten seconds while it tries to regain some dignity…
- Indi goes commando. Meaning, she doesn’t wear underwear. Naw, I’m just kidding with you. She’ll wear some. While she runs after Columbian drug smugglers in the Amazon rainforest. Yeah! That’s right. My dog is a drug runner.
- Lastly, I see Indi in a place where she can really put her mind to work. For this reason I have recently submitted her name to work at NASA. I think she could really do wonders to further along the space discovery program…thing. Wait…what? They want to shut NASA down? Ok…that makes sense…President Obama…or should I say…President Barishnakov? (That probably only makes sense if you were conscious during the Cold War..)